Monday, 15 December 2008

On the outside

Identity. Sometimes understood only as it changes. Last week I left my job and as my laptop, security pass, contact list and access to free stationery was all taken away I had a feeling that my identity was being stripped off. Along with the stress of leaving a job and an institution after 3.5 years, I was emotionally afloat. I managed to steal my final lunch break with some alone time. I floated out of the office, up Watling St and found myself at the foot of St Pauls. Its hugeness, stability and magnificence drew me in. The admission price proved that my need wasn’t as great as I thought but something caught my eye on the way out pausing me to think that even the entrance hall was worth it. Was this noticed detail intentional? Or just my tired mind overstretching any meaning I could grasp? They had etched on to the modern doors “This is the door to the House of God. This is the gate of Heaven.” But what, perhaps, they hadn’t realised was that because it’s a revolving door you’re given this message on the way out, as well as the way in. It’s not necessary to find God, Heaven, strength or even what I needed most (lunch) inside a church, how ever grand, its all outside too. Outside. Outside of institutions I find myself. I redefine myself. Independent. Supported by friends. Strengthened inside. On my way to Africa…


Becky said...

This is all a bit of a philosophical post. You can blame the fact that I'm reading Obama's 'Dreams of my father'. A brilliant book which is all about identity. He also leaves a 'city job' in New York when he moves to Chicago to become a 'community organizer'. Really interesting and down to earth stuff.

Promise that I'll lighten up soon though!!!


By the way, all comments are being really nice - that's weird - where are the mickey takes? Surely being self-centred enough to have my own blog and carp on about 'identity' and being 'idolised' should make me an easy target for a bit of 'get off your high horse' type banter. Come on I can take it. It wouldn't be balanced 'journalism' otherwise. Come on!!! Hit me....

thejenbug said...

Great idea to have a blog about your cunning plan and to share your thoughts!

A couple of things spring to mind for is that it's good to remember that God has a cunning plan too! so often what we think we're going to do can change because of a bigger plan!

The second thought was when I read "I might actually be able to go largely self-propelled to Uganda to try to figure out what I can do to help the Ugandan team to help thousands of children". You know what, you will be guided as you go!

Remember: 'I can do everything through him who gives me strength' Philippians 4:13